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Selected Personal Entries & other Essays:

Crimson Sun: New Cycle

Journal entry 9/12/2020

As I sat outside on the beach sand yesterday, sun gazing around Dusk, and I was amazed. The sun was solid red! I was able to steadfastly gaze at it for a long period of time without straining my vision. I wondered how can it be so red? How can our tiny planet, in the Solar System and in one area of the world, being in flames reflect up at the Sun? Or was it because Mars is so close? It must be our perception!

Of course it is… the scientific explanation is that it’s the scattering of light by smoke, dust, and pollution. But as all levels of consciousness and dimensions are connected, it was still breathtaking and poignant for me.

As I continued to sun gaze, without realizing it at first, I started registering it as the Blood Moon. I eventually snapped out of it and reminded myself this was our Sun. Clear as a perfect red dot suspended in the sky.

Then the messages came…

The first one: “This red sun is a portal for a new cycle that’s beginning. Mark it as a symbol in your awareness. There is an elevation to the shifts coming in. The more that alarming things that will be transpiring in your collective perception, the more miraculous events will also be amplified to counter-balance them. Keep your mind’s eye open so you can see the dissolution of the old paradigm and a new plan emerging. For you (and those of) who have been preparing, continue to work on strengthening your Light Body, the MerKaBa. This help you to be able to stay in the higher frequencies and anchoring them onto the planet…”

(I’m shown a landscape of a desert plain. No one outside. Sky is crimson red with a dusky overtone. Tipis scattered in a loose formation. A sense that they were inhabited, but in silence)

“…The Sun, the sky have been red before, hundreds of years ago. The Elders, the indigenous knew that it meant it was to be treated as a moment of sacred collective silence, stillness and introspection. It is a time to go within, individually and collectively.”

I closed my eyes for what seemed like maybe 10 seconds and when I re-open them the Sun has disappeared behind the smoke in the sky. As I take this message in, I begin to feel more peace. I see a beautiful couple walking on the sand towards the water and I call out to the woman because she looks like someone I know:

“Amanda! Amanda! Is that you?”

She looks at me a little confused. “No, I’m Angel.”

“Oh! Of course you are.” I smile.

Her partner tells me, “We saw you meditating.”

“I ask them, “Did you see the Sun? It looked like a red moon.”

She smiled and said, “Yes I did. We are living in Magical times.”

We exchanged blessings and they continued to walked by, past me and sat closer to the waves.

I laid down on the sand looking at the water, going over the different things that had been bothering me here and there throughout the day. I admit, feeling a little defeated at the extreme polarities. The division in communities, relationships, the world, myself…. Tiny slivers of despair seeping in as I witness so many people speaking up, arguing, expressing these myriad of perspectives that would otherwise be great, except for the fact that they are triggers and just seem to create more schisms in the Human Consciousness. So many groups pitted against each other. From politics to spirituality and everything in between. Everything feels like an argument to the death, with no clear solutions. I let my body sink into the sand, surrendering into rest. Thinking about the wilderness that is burning. My safe places of escape from the chaotic energetics of the city. The havens where I retrieve my center, my sanity. Off limits. The message delivered to me is I must find the sanctuary within.

I’m told this to remember and recite, every time I feel my Faith wavering:

“The deeper our roots, the more we can expand,

The richer our inner world, the more splendid the outer world,

The more devoted our spiritual practice, the less fear we feel.”

The next message I get:

“It is understood that all looks like complete devastation. This is the planet, the collective, sharing a Dark Night of the Soul. Remember yours? For too long society at large has been numb, blinded, apathetic to what is going on. This crises around the world have shaken the foundation to the core and has cracked open the hearts of all who are listening and seeing. Light is pouring through. But people have free will:

They can be bitter or they can be better. All can open the heart and let more love in or continue to let the heart quake with fear. It’s a choice.

The Leonard Cohen quote came to mind: “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

Empathy is waning, so please recharge… find it again in the Earth, the Sun, the Water, the Wind… face each challenge with empathy, humor, and love. A new world is dawning. 

Preparing For My First Healing

Journal, memoir entry


Last Saturday, I woke up early before dawn in a sleepy fog with light streaks of anxiety lacing through. I dutifully rolled out of bed and threw on some clothes as well as my old semi-broken glasses. No time for contacts! The goal was to get to the beach by 6ish around sunrise.

I went down the beach stairs, passed my three favorite palms and walked through the sand closer and closer to the water with my bag of crystals slung over my right shoulder.

The sky above and around me was powder blue, light gray, dusty lavender, rosy pink and tangerine from the sun, soon to peek itself up over the horizon. The moon was still out in her sharp but curvy crescent shape. Just chillin in the sky in the powder blue/gray section of the atmosphere.

I breathed in the crisp air. Sleepiness leaving me, but some of the anxiety still lingered. I had come to cleanse and charge my crystals in the ocean. That day was going to be my first time doing an energy clearing on someone I didn’t know very well (second person in total). The sense of responsibility and pressure lingered on my shoulders. Though I was excited, I perceived it as nervousness.

As I lay my crystals out in the sand to say hello to the elements, I thanked the new day, I thanked the moon, I thanked the ground, the breeze & the ocean. The crystals took turns with me as I led them to the water in a repetitive route. Back and forth, back and forth. They were carried in groups, categorized by their properties. Nestled in a netted sack, we met the waves. I stood ankle deep, dipping the sack into the oncoming baby waves that would hit me just at my knees in measured time. These waves would wash over the crystals as I appointed my loving assignments to each one. They were all charged with a job to do.

The whole time, I was very serious about all of this, wanting to make sure they were all custom directed at the client. Through most of the process, I stared intently at each wave and at each crystal in my care.

When it came time to charge my biggest green crystal, my Green Obsidian (a Heart Chakra portal conduit), I stated my intention out into the Ether. As I was finishing my last words, a huge wave came out of nowhere. In a blink of an eye, it rose and crashed directly into my chest, knocking me on my ass as well as knocking my glasses off their ass! Neck deep, I held onto the bag of crystals, sacrificing the glasses. They churned away into the froth, never to return again.

I stood up, in the swirling water, clothes completely drenched, heart fully pumping. All at once, these little reminders hit me in a non-linear flash, rapid as the speed of light:

*Those damn broken glasses are beneath my dignity and I do not really need them to see anyway.

*The Universe blesses those who sincerely bless others

*Always remember to smile

*Relax into the unfoldment (and enfoldment) of the cosmic play & always lead with my heart

*The crystals are now fully charged and so am I

*This will be a magical day

I stood in amazement and wonder. How incredible that nature can communicate so many messages with one single powerful action. We just have to open up to see it.

As I relaxed into the wetness of my clothes in a new alertness, I began to laugh. The anxiety was gone. I looked up at the moon, with its crescent smile upon me. I thanked the Higher Powers for this abrasive yet loving Blessing and said good morning!

I turned and walked back to the shore to sit on my towel, still laughing. The sand, the moon, the sky, the ocean… I could feel them all laugh with me in our shared amusement. I felt honored they let me in on their little joke. And in that moment I felt completely cradled by the breeze, lovingly connected to the Earth. Not in a spacey out of body experience kind of way (which I’ve had my share of), but in a very visceral and solid way. Sharing. No hierarchy. Just that I saw them and they saw me and we are family.

I looked at the skyline and enjoyed the sunrise in Harmony and Peace. In my reality, magic happens when a child’s heart creates in Joy. The Universe will not refuse the innocence of Faith.

What is Covid 19 Triggering on a Bigger Energetic Level?

Journal, channelled entry

Sitting one morning, in my sacred outdoor space overlooking the beach behind my home, I was doing my Daily Morning Routine, and then sitting in stillness afterwards,  I contemplated the Covid 19 scare. How it was effecting the collective and how it was effecting me. My guides came in quickly with this download and it just made so much sense from an esoteric level. This has a message mainly for those of us who already have a good understanding that the world we live in is a multi-layered co-created reality; our inner world projected to the outer world, for those of us that know Earth is a school of soul growth. Who know that we are first and foremost spirits wearing a skin suit, trying to remember who we are; that this is just one of many temporary incarnations as we play in the Matrix.

This is written to share what was communicated to me by my Guides, for my own learning and integration, and in hopes of helping whoever this is supposed to reach, to gain some clarity and detachment about what is going on globally and personally during these times of uncertainty and deep change. This is to gain a bigger picture perspective… so we can approach our lives with a different outlook going forward. This is a reminder that while this life is transitory, it is still important for our soul growth and for the Earth’s growth as well. These very intense times and there are times we cant help to get sucked back into the thick of this Matrix, this Holographic Universe. Nothing wrong with that, we are still learning self-mastery.

So this message has a lot to do with being observant of the negative divisions among us as a people. And mostly being seen in online communities. There’s been a lot of toxicity thrown around on the interweb environment that is going against the goal of Universal unity as we individually and collectively raise our vibrations in order to keep up with the Earth, Gaia Sophia’s frequency.

A lot of this information was channeled for my growth because I myself got into a few useless arguments online that were negative. After it happened I felt the denseness in my body and it did not feel good. Maybe some of you are feeling that way too? Anyway, during one of my morning meditations after this, my Guides came and dropped in a quick download… so I thought I would unpack this and share, I also did some research to make sure it was cohesive and understandable to share with others. You can take what resonates and leave behind the rest.

Per my last video, I spoke of the 1st Ray of Power and how we are in the process of re-creating our world, our reality, but it must first go through the cycle of destruction to ideally rise again like a phoenix. The destruction of the ego must take place to do that. This world issue has touched all of us in some way. It has shook many. It has touched on our deepest fears and, interestingly enough, our greatest hopes. It is a time of upheaval, and many unfortunate things may seem to be happening to some of us, and I give full respect to those experiences… this current state of things has effected all of us in some way on some level… directly or indirectly, but it is essential for our own sanity and overall well-being that we practice detachment from our fears and continue to have Hope…by always finding the silver lining in every given moment. Gratitude is one of the quickest ways to re-align our vibration, thus magnetizing our highest good. And having the Faith in knowing we will be supported, just by the feeling of belief making it so. I say this from personal experiences as I have witnessed many miracles in my life spring from this. Belief. Faith. Surrendering to what is. Those of us who are seekers and/or initiates already understand this but sometimes we just need to be reminded everyone once in a while.

So let’s begin:

Going back to the understanding, that this is all an illusion… what the Hindus call Maya and the Buddhists call Dukkhu.. So if this is all an illusion, a projection of our own inner world, then why is our outer world looking like this current situation we are dealing with, this epidemic we are all experiencing? Why is our collective Maya so chaotic?

I attached the simple chart! I didn’t make this chart personally. I saw it online and it really resonated with what was going on and my Guides took it as an opportunity to use it for their message. I absolutely love it because I love visuals. I wish I knew who made it so I can give them credit for it.

Anyway, on this chart, take a look and see which one of the circles is most important to you, if any? There is no wrong answer by the way.

Now if you picked one circle, two or all three of the circles, and that’s OK. There are possible consequences that could come of this world issue we are all dealing with, and this is valid. To me, it’s all valid. There is no one circle more important than another. This is why: Each one of us has our own soul journey and lessons we are working through. This world issue is specifically dealing with healing all things Root Chakra (which also ties into the Sacral and Solar Plexus). Not all of us are ready to handle all of these issues at that same time. That’s OK. When we begin to look deeper into what we are focused on, we see what is important to us during this lifetime.

I will share a little bit of mine, just so you know I am keeping it real here… My concern is with the corruption of the government.

So I ask myself, “Why are there so many people angry and at odds with each other? Why so many aggressive arguments among some of us about what is going on?” Simply put, angry reactions come from unprocessed emotions. A lot of hidden shadows are popping up for us. I myself have not been immune to it. Believe me, I have been guilty of it myself having had a couple useless online arguments with people that I do regret because my words lacked compassion. And of course it’s on social media, where we are just looking at a screen typing away on the keyboard, impressing our own projections into the ethers of what they use to call Information Super Highway. Remember that?? I’m old… Im pretty sure most of us are not going out into the world battling it out with our neightbors on what we think is going on.. well there are some…But most of us are not doing this in real life. I know I’m not! I am happy to be chilling on my back patio most of the time minding my own business, doing my thing, and then I happen to check my FB and it’s like boom! Grrrr… So I have had to check myself, step back and think about what triggered my anger and why. Then I have to remind myself that I am creating my world as I go. Is this the world we really want to create? A world of anger, hostility, division? Put in that manner, most of us would hopefully say No. So why argue? We have the choice to act upon these unconscious emotions that arise or not. We have the right to voice our concerns. The problem is how far do we allow our concerns and fears to take us? When we try to hammer our own view of reality into another being (as opposed to just sharing information we feel is valuable and just leave it at that), when we try to push our own fears towards others, all we are essentially communicating is: “My fear is more important than your fear.” That is the Ego’s way. We are just shadowboxing with our own projections to establish our own sense of reality and identity, so we feel right.

Now, we all have an ego, so there is no shaming here, we are in the process of working through it and releasing it. There’s nothing wrong with working through our messy parts. This is called healing.

So, for more understanding, let’s touch on the some of the definitions of what the ego is:

•A part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and unconscious; it’s responsible for reality-testing and personal identity

•A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance

•Shaped out of fears and defensiveness in order to create context and identity in order to survive; coping mechanisms

•The little voice in the head… per Eckhart Tolle

(read: Eckhart Tolle pg 22, start with “Ego is no more…”)

Another point Tolle makes that I love is, “ To recognize one’s own insanity is of course, the rise of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence.” Basically, the more we can recognize our defensive triggers the easier we pull ourselves out of the pit of pain, the ego’s world, and see things from a higher angle. Above the madness.

So what my Guides have been reminding me of is this:

Outer conflict stems from inner conflict. The conflict we incite outwards is the unrest we feel within ourselves. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, so a lot of the times, rather than leaning into it, many of us tend to push it out of the Self and onto others without realizing it. While this is a natural human reaction, it enables separation to thrive. If we lean into these parts of ourselves, sift through these emotionally driven thoughts, face them with love, the more we learn about ourselves. The more we become conscious, and the easier it gets to spot as we go. Our Spirit wants serenity but the ego wants comfort… so HOW we think we attain that inner peace is important if it is to create true positive change.

Processing our emotions clearly and thoroughly can help. The more we work on healing ourselves, the more we heal our relationships. Because when we move beyond our past pain, we cant be triggered by what others say or do, our responses will change, which will change theirs, which in turn changes the outcome, then the trajectory of where we are headed has shifted to a different direction, usually a more positive direction. This healing process ripples outward, in all that we do, expanding our peaceful networks (quite possibly throughout infinity).

Where we are at emotionally, or what stage we are in life can show itself through the way we communicate. The following points I am about to share create a context of reflection to be considered before we decide to communicate:

•The Ego concerns itself with: How do I want to see my reality projected OUTWARD?

•The true Soul wants to reveal: First, I must understand myself. Who am I WITHIN? What brings me Joy? How am I responsible for what I see and experience?

•A balance between the two can give us the best answer, but it starts with the Soul first, not the other way around. Some would even say, the ego doesn’t have to exist at all.

That being said, my Guides also gave me the message: When it comes to relating to others, there are times when it serves us better to try to understand ourselves first, as opposed to trying to be understood by others. Furthermore, this actually allows us to understand others better.

So, in the spirit of my own understanding, and to help others gain their own understanding, I broke down the diagram a bit more.

My Guides know that when I am doing my own inner work, I like the mystical experiences, but because mystical experiences are very personal and experiential, when I work with others I like to figure out how to share what Im learning & integrating in more practical terms. Take another look at the diagram and the circle(s) you chose. Now read the pink writing below it.

Those who are focusing on:

•ACTUAL VIRAL THREAT= health & well-being, mortality

…or lack thereof…

•IMPENDING ECONOMIC RECESSION/DEPRESSION = security & day-to-day survival, money

…or lack thereof…

•EXPANSION OF AUTHORITARIAN GOVT= structures, routines, & self-empowerment, discipline

…or lack thereof…

Im going to share just a few helpful practical questions that we can take the time to tune into and ask ourselves for deeper reflection. I will read them & you can either answer them as we go along or write the questions down for later and then answer them when you have more time. I think the latter is best because then you can really dig in. You can go as deep as you want to go with this.

This is a good intro into shadow work. For those of you who are wondering, our shadow is parts of ourselves that we hide from the world and sometimes ourselves because we feel ashamed of them, we feel they can be harmful and/or we will be judged badly for them.

Shadow work is a form of healing that deals with facing these aspects of ourselves to gain a better understanding of what traumas we hold, and how they holds us back from our joy. If more questions pop up allow yourself to write them down & answer them… keep writing until you feel complete with the process.

If you are only interested in listening to the questions that pertain to your concerns, I will add time stamps in the description box below. Here we go!

If you are concerned about:

ACTUAL VIRAL THREAT (your well-being)

•What is my relationship to my own health on a regular basis?

•What’s my motivation?

•Where have I neglected my health? How does that make me feel?

•Where have I overly obsessed about my health? How does that make me feel?

•How can I improve my relationship with my health?

If you are concerned about:


•What is my relationship to money and why?

•What is my family’s relationship to money and why?

•In what ways have I neglected the handling of my finances? How does that make me feel?

•In what ways have I obsessed about my finances? How does that make me feel?

•When did awareness of money & security become a part of my reality? How did it make me feel?

•How can I improve my relationship to money?

If you are concerned about:

EXPANSION OF AUTHORITATIVE GOV’T (structures and self-empowerment)

•What is my relationship to authority? To structure?

•Where do I feel restricted in my freedom to live as I please? How does that make me feel?

•Is this oppressive feeling induced by my own fears or by others’ actions?

•When was the first time I felt let down or betrayed by an authority figure? How did that make me feel?

•Do I feel free in the way I live my life? How does that make me feel?

•In what ways can I bring more of a sense of freedom into my life?

When we take the time to ask deeper questions and face them with honest answers, at the very least, we can learn a lot about ourselves. We will often be surprised by the answers but feel empowered by the revelations. We can begin to see life in a new way and gain more clarity about what our true passions and needs are. When we know what our true passions are, then we can become aligned with our intentions and begin to design a life we want to see and live. We have the choice on how we show up, how we want to play in the game.

Before we can come together, united, we need to heal the conflict within ourselves. It starts with understanding what truly drives us. This is not about obliterating the ego (I don’t think that’s completely possible just yet) but about redirecting it to a higher purpose. At the end of the day, this is about love.

No one likes to be told to stay home or to walk in uncertainty for an unclear amount of time. But that is what is being asked of us. There are many layers to this, and we don’t know all of them. Our outlook of our circumstances is what we make of it. This current situation gives us all an opportunity for deeper reflection, renewed perspective, and healing. I feel like I allowed myself to grow these past couple months. We all have this ability, but some are still resisting to look within. But real talk, these world events will be harder for you.

Taking the time to really understanding ourselves in a compassionate way, somehow allows us to better understand other people and their concerns, what is important to them. It provides us insight into what others are struggling with themselves. Maybe feeling into that can provide us with a bigger picture of what is really going on with others? Maybe it can incite true compassion for where others are coming from? This compassion is one of the byproducts of inner peace, which is what our spirit is truly striving for deep down. When we have true compassion for others, there is no need to fight. There is more harmony, more stillness, more love, more unity.

To conclude: my Guides also conveyed, that everything that is happening right now, we are co-creating. We must take accountability for what has transpired. Not with shame but with acknowledgement, so we can feel empowered and take responsibility for our fears and choices, to have the chance to address them and bring them to a higher state of alignment. All this is happening is under the Universal Law of Cause & Effect. There is no action without consequence. Everything transpiring was set into motion, and now we must be still, reflect and wait for the waves to recede and see what the tides leaves us to work with.

Then begin to visualize the harmonious world we want to see, once we are coming from a place of peace and clarity… then we can set those waves into motion to manifest in alignment to what is for our own highest good, and for the good of all. We truly have the power to change the world, by changing ourselves.

A good start is to honestly answer those shadow questions I mentioned earlier. Dig as deep as you can. The more we put into it, the clearer, more relaxed and more present we can be.

I will also leave a link in the description box below to an easy shadow work guided meditation that can be helpful for anyone interested.

Also if you are interested in learning more about what the ego truly is and what shadow work is, I recommend Eckhart Tolle and Carl Jung off the top of my head. And there’s lots of good videos and articles out there about these interesting topics as well.

I hope this was helpful! I will be doing more videos, but they will be probably more geared towards my passion for connecting with the spirit of nature, healing with nature, and the joy it can bring for us. I think that would be fun to share!

Thanks for taking the time to share this space with me. Let us remember: Love truly conquers all. Love and Blessings to you!

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